The journey to parenthood through surrogacy is deeply personal. It also means you need to find a surrogate mother as well, and it is a crucial first step. Here are some essential tips to guide you through the process and ensure a successful match.
Work With a Reputable Agency
Working with a trusted surrogacy mother agency can streamline the process. Agencies vet potential surrogates and ensure they meet health and legal requirements. The right agency will also handle complex logistics like contracts and medical screenings.
Agencies perform thorough background checks on potential surrogates, including medical and psychological screenings, to help ensure they are qualified to carry a pregnancy. Additionally, agencies help mediate the relationships between the intended parents and the surrogate, making the process smoother and less stressful. If you are working with an agency, make sure to research credentials, read reviews, and schedule a consultation to discuss expectations and concerns.
Consider Health and Lifestyle
The physical health and lifestyle habits of the surrogate are also important. Finding a non-smoker who maintains a healthy diet is crucial. Reviewing her medical history is one step that helps ensure she can carry a pregnancy safely and to term.
A key consideration is that the surrogate should have had at least one successful pregnancy with no major complications. This indicates her body is capable of carrying a healthy pregnancy to term. In addition to previous pregnancy experience, you will also want to review the surrogate’s overall medical history. A full medical evaluation will screen for any potential health risks like chronic illnesses, conditions that could complicate pregnancy or a history of preterm labor.
Keep in mind that mental health is also just as important. Surrogates undergo psychological evaluations to ensure they are emotionally prepared for the surrogacy process and able to manage the unique dynamics involved in carrying a child for another family.
Align Values With Expectations
Make sure the surrogate you choose shares your values on key issues like contact during the pregnancy, decisions that need to be made in the case of complications, and the birth plan. Open communication helps create trust and mutual understanding in surrogacy arrangements.
When discussing expectations with your surrogate, consider the following topics:
- Level of Communication: How frequently do you want to be updated on the pregnancy? Would you like to attend doctor’s appointments or receive ultrasound images? Some intended parents prefer regular, close contact, while others may opt for more space.
- Birth Plan: What kind of birth experience do you envision? Do you want to be present in the delivery room, and what are your preferences regarding labor and delivery methods?
- Contact After Birth: Discuss how much contact, if any, you’d like to maintain after the child is born. Some intended parents and surrogates continue to have a relationship, while others prefer limited contact once the surrogacy process is complete.
- Decision-Making During the Pregnancy: Make sure to clarify your stance on medical interventions during pregnancy. For example, how do you feel about invasive procedures such as amniocentesis? What are your views on how to handle potential complications that may arise during the pregnancy?
By having these conversations early enough, you can ensure that you and your surrogate are aligned on major decisions and that everyone feels comfortable moving forward together.
Legal Considerations
Surrogacy laws vary by state and country. For this reason, it’s essential to work with an attorney specializing in surrogacy to draft a clear, legally binding agreement that protects both parties. If you are planning on going abroad, you want to find an international surrogacy agency and legal experts within that country to help guide you through the process.
The legal contract should clearly define important aspects of the surrogacy journey, including:
- Parental Rights: Establishing that the intended parents will have full custody of the child once born.
- Compensation and Expenses: Surrogates receive compensation for their time and effort, in addition to reimbursement for medical costs, travel, and maternity clothing. It’s essential to outline how much the surrogate will be compensated and what expenses are covered.
- Medical Decisions: The contract should specify how medical decisions will be handled during the pregnancy and clarify any potential risks or complications.
- Termination of Pregnancy: You should discuss sensitive topics like termination in case of severe medical issues with the fetus, and the contract should reflect your agreement on this matter.
A qualified surrogacy attorney can ensure that the agreement is legally sound and protects everyone involved. This helps prevent any legal complications that may arise after the child’s birth.
Emotional Compatibility
Establishing a good personal connection is vital. While you don’t need to become best friends, mutual respect and empathy make the journey smoother and more rewarding. Maintain healthy boundaries.
Recognize that surrogates have their own families and live outside of the surrogacy arrangement. Respecting her privacy while staying engaged in the pregnancy can create a balanced and positive experience for everyone.
Conclusion
Trust the process and stay patient. Surrogacy can be a long and sometimes unpredictable process. From matching with a surrogate to completing the legal and medical requirements, it’s important to remain patient and flexible.
Trust that the right match will come, and keep in mind that delays or complications are not uncommon. Surround yourself with supportive people, and consider joining a community of other intended parents to share experiences and advice.